Communication with adolescent children is essential to maintain a good emotional bond. Sometimes, parents do not realize that they can pronounce phrases that destroy this communication and that later, it is difficult to restore it again because they hurt them emotionally and trust is broken. As parents it is essential to keep this in mind to ensure that the important bond between parents and children is not destroyed.
It is likely that if you have ever said any of these phrases to your children you have not had bad intentions but it is necessary that you are aware to avoid saying them. In this way you can take care of your relationship, communication and trust.
5 Things You Shouldn’t Say to Your Teens
Take note of the phrases that we are going to comment on below so that you do not tell your children … because then the education you want to transmit to him would become something toxic and undesirable for everyone in the family nucleus.
1. “Me at your age…”
To say this phrase is to use a direct comparison with your children. Think they don’t have to be like you. They have other aspirations and interests that you must respect. If you achieved things at their age that they have not achieved, do not feed their feeling of insecurity and look for ways to support them in those dreams they long for.
Even if your desire is to motivate him, the reality is that you do not achieve it at all. You can explain your experiences but never with the desire to compare yourself or make him feel inferior. Your child is someone outside of you and you must respect and accept him as he is.
2. “I told you so”
We don’t like to hear this phrase from anyone, no matter how old you are. But if you say this phrase you will only be emphasizing that you do not trust their criteria and that it shows you that they do not trust you either, so the bond is inevitably breaking.
If your child has made a mistake, it is best to help him reflect on his actions and look for the best solutions for the future. Help him understand his mistakes, but not to make him feel bad… but so that you are able to learn from them and be better in the future.
3. “If you don’t listen to me, you will be no one in life”
These types of phrases can be said in many ways, such as: “do not continue on that path or it will be worse” or “you will be a wretch in life if you do not listen to me”. They are phrases full of pessimism that do not help anything and less to a teenager who is forming his identity and thinks that you really believe that he will be a nobody. This will generate fear and anguish.
Actually, you don’t know what will happen in the future, no one knows. It is better that you are by his side and accompany him both in his successes and in his failures. Moreover, remember that many people famous for their discoveries, had a multitude of failures before becoming successful beings in society. An example that everyone knows is Albert Einstein, who failed repeatedly in college, but did not give up until he became the best scientist in history.
4. “It’s not so much”
“It’s not for so much”, “it’s not for you to put on like this”… Maybe for your teenager it is so much because it hurts emotionally and it is difficult for him to manage those intense feelings. Don’t compare his problems to those of an adult, he lacks experience and wisdom to channel certain things in life, and he needs you to get it. Do not minimize his pain, rather, accompany him whenever he needs it.
It is essential that you lend empathy every day and that you know how to put yourself in their place. Only in this way will he maintain a good trust with you and the necessary communication for him to express to you how he feels or what happens to him at a certain time.
5. “You have disappointed me”
This phrase falls like a pitcher of cold water in a teenager’s life because you are attacking his person instead of focusing on the behavior or behavior he has had. You need to focus on saying the words well so that he understands that actions are sometimes not appropriate, but that he as a person will always be accepted by you.
These are some of the phrases that can be said to children without thinking about the consequences they entail. But there are many more such as: “I can’t stand you”, “get out of here”, “shut up now”, “I don’t like your friends”, “you will die just because no one is going to love you”, “you are useless”, “you look silly”, “I can’t stand you”, “I can’t with you”, “as long as you live in this house you will do what I tell you”, etc.
They are harmful phrases that do not help at all and that only destroy the communication between parents and children. They cause blockage and emotional distance. So you just have to think before you speak and if you’ve ever said these phrases to him, now is your time to start over and make amends for those mistakes. If necessary, ask for forgiveness, and always talk to your child with love, closeness, understanding and a lot of patience.
Only in this way will you have a stronger bond with your child that will be difficult to break because they will trust you. He will feel you by his side even if sometimes he makes things difficult for you. Your teen may not see it now, but when he or she becomes an adult he or she will realize what a great person and great parent you are today.